Saturday, February 26, 2011

Taking it to the next level

By Ryan E. Gantalao

“Between men and women, there is no friendship possible. There is passion, enmity, worship, love…but no friendship.”

Some say that best friends are also the best lovers. When two people started as friends in the initial stage of their platonic relationship, they get to know each other better in a much more significant level, something that is far from mere physical attraction.

Friendship has a bigger possibility of developing into something special but the question is, how will it get there? How will you tell your friend that you no longer feel the same way as before, and that you want the both of you to be more than just friends? 

If you are in this situation, it must have taken you a long time of hard thinking—thinking on how to approach him/her personally and giving the right explanation for the changes that took place in the most unexpected time without freaking him/her and rejecting you as a friend. At some point, you probably have decided to just keep the feelings because you believe that eventually, the love that you feel for him/her will just fade away.

But like any other scenarios in telenovelas and romantic movies, the more you hide and resist the love you feel for someone, the more it grows stronger.

And in reality, because of these feelings, unusual things might take place. You might not want to look at his/her eyes anymore because it will make your heart skip a beat. You may not want to hold his/her hands or touch his/her skin anymore because it might lead into a different feeling of excitement for you. 

For sure, you do not want this to happen. But if you will remain weak and coward, he/she will be gone not because he/she does not like you anymore but because you were never true to yourself.

Say it!

Be sure about your feelings. The very first thing you need to do is to evaluate your feelings and figure out where they come from. It is very significant that you should understand why your feelings for your friend changed and deepened.

You need to consider the possibilities that what you feel are just a product of misled emotions. Maybe you just have felt extreme loneliness and he/she was there when you needed someone to talk to, or maybe you have a problem with your current girlfriend or boyfriend and your friend was there to give you a shoulder to cry on. Again, it is very important that you ask all these things to yourself so that you will be sure about your feelings towards that special person. 

Have a heart-to-heart talk. When you are already sure about your feelings, the next thing to do is to talk about it with your friend. This is true for two friends who both feel something more than just friendship. If you share the same feeling, the latter would become probable because talking about it will no longer be hard and embarrassing. Saying to him/her how it started will be much easier this time because he/she feels the same 

The hard part is when you do not know how your friend feels towards you. For sure, you will find it hard to bring up the subject because you are afraid of rejection. Mind you, if you continue to hold your feelings for a longer period of time, the more awkward things would become. These include the changes between your usual communication for each other, and your common approach to him/her every day. In this case, there is no other 
best thing to do than to honestly tell your friend what you feel for him/her.

Be ready to accept the consequences. Your friend might not share the same way as you feel for him/her. And when that happens, it would be a little bit embarrassing so you need to carefully sequence all the right things you need to do.

Before you start the conversation, make sure that you are prepared for it and that you already listed out the things that you want to say. Tell him/her to not panic about what you are going to say. Tell him/her to listen carefully and be open-minded about it. But if he/she is really your true friend, he/she will understand you and the two of you will get through it. The result of your emotional sharing will make you feel better, whether taking up your relationship to the next level is the right choice or not.

However, when he/she says no, do not feel bad about it. Maybe he/she really loves you and cares for you a lot but only as a friend. Understand him/her and tell him/her that it is fine with you though you are hurt at some instance. Tell him/her that you can still be his/her friend. 

Retain the friendship that you once had and start a new life. This may sound hard because the feelings are still with you. But because you want the best for him/her then you just need to accept the fact that not all the things you want are hand-reach. Sometimes you need to let go of these things, and wait for the right time to have these things finally yours. 

Enjoy his/her company for the meantime. Take pleasure in the benefits that you can get from your friendship. Start diverting your attention to someone else so that you will not dwell in the past. Who knows? She/he might change his/her mind, and eventually fall for you at the right time.

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