Tuesday, December 28, 2010


I was never a fan of seeing happy people together in a happy ending. I hate happy moments. I'm jealous about it. But at the same time, I adored love stories ever since the day I knew that it could reach a loner's heart.

Okay. At first, I got bored when I saw the soon-to-wed couple walking along the aile of the church.
It was boring because I waited for such a long time until the bride came along. Yah, she was not beautiful, but I knew that in the eyes of her one true love, she was everything.

Surely, she was everything to him. She was his star. She was his moon. She was everything that could make him feel he exist. She was a part of him, irrevocable and impossible to live without.

I knew that. But I didn't mind. I was bored. The reverend said many words about the goodness of GOD, and how grateful and happy he is to see the two people who are deeply in love to each other. They were in love, I could see it, but I hope it would last for a lifetime.

Yes. I hated the start of the event. Waiting was tiresome. But when the singer sang, everything changed. The song was melodramatic, romantic, wonderful, and once you listen to it, surely, you'll fall inlove.

You'll fall in love. I did. I was. Maybe. That time. But not now as I'm writing this post, things went so complicated. I know where to situate myself. I know where I stand now. I know.

If that's what you want, then okay. I won't disagree.

Saturday, December 25, 2010

'First times' on Christmas.

A lot of 'first times' happened this December.

First time to give a gift, that is not compulsory.
First time to spend Christmas at a friend's house.

First time to see a beauty. (Uwat... I saw myself at the mirror)

First time at Sun Down.

First time at Food Net Phil Oil.

First time to be kissed by a GAY.

First time to drink Cold Mocha Cofee with Soft serve.

First time to talk with a girl for 3 hours, since I don't talk that often.

It's my first time to receive Christmas cards. I got the first one from Lazy Marya, and the second one was from Erianne Maot.
It was like. These people must be so primitive that they still write cards. And then, I realized that it was still really heartwarming. The words that shows Thanksgiving for friendship, and the real feelings that were written on those cards made me feel that I exist.

Before I forget, I appreciate Erianne Maot for inviting me at her place. The food was great. I never ate real food for months since I always eat at fast food stores. Her family was great too. It was like i lived there for years. Her cousin-in-law kept on asking me about my family and address. So I said " Bisag asa rako puyo teh."  and then, she laughed. She always was laughing. Erianne's Nanay was so NICE. It's like she's my grandma. She's kind. She knows that I write too.

Never did I imagine I could make people smile. Never did I realized that someone, aside from my mother, would really give me something as nice as those cards.

I always thought that people see me as someone that could burst their bubble. Pest. Pester. 
But this time, they thanked me for being a friend, for being  a person with value. COOL.

I felt that I have worth. That I have friends. :)

Friday, December 24, 2010

Christmas Blog Post no#3 - The INSANE MORON

Now, going to the WEIRD part. The BAD part. The Product of my insanity. This is the Third POST.

 I ruined everything. I just ruined what we've started last night. I mean, we could have build something more, like deeper friendship. But what did I do? I turned jerk. I became a dumb insane weird alien..urghhhhhhhhhhhh..
SHIT. (Sorry, let me say this readers)

I didn't know what happen. All I knew was that, I was a total LOSER slash MORON slash JERK. Call me everything. But Sorry, I am more than that.

I made her feel bad. I must have caused her system to collapse. She must be figuring out until now what happened.

Nothing happened. I mean, there was. WEIRD.

I'm sure, that would be the last part of "Ryan meets Marya" the movie. No more continuation.
I totally sucked. I ruined everything. URGHHHHH. KILL ME NOW SANTINO.

What's wrong with me? RYAN what's wrong with you? Urrggghhh...

If she only knows how sorry I am, and that I can't reply to her message because of that.

If she only knows how bad I felt about what I did.

If she only knows how shameful I am to myself.

If she only knows I didn't mean it.

If she only knows my reasons.

Sigh. Sigh. She won't be coming back. The end. You did a good job Ryan. You better die now and rot in hell. 


Sigh. It wouldn't make a change.

I messed up.

Christmas Blog Post no#2 - The Coffe Talks

We talked alot. In cafe Antonio. From her recent past love life, to her doings at school, and etc. I let her talk and talk. I liked listening to her. She's always smiling. I just watched her.
I was sleepy, actually. But the BIG GLASS of cold coffee reactivated my whole system.
So I talked a lot as well. From the important ones up to non sense.

The coffee tasted really good. It has a soft  serve over it. It's like mocha chocolatey. No. It is mocha.

 Okay. She was like this. I mean, she sipped the coffee just the way the lady in the picture does it.

Cute isn't it? But believe me.  I found her more than that. She's not the most beautiful, she's attractive.

 I sipped my share as well. It's my first time to be there and first time to taste that one. PRIMITIVE only because I don't go out that often.

But I would be much happier if it was like this. COOL. I mean, SWEET. Hey, the guy is cute. SO LIKE ME. :)

Blog Post on a Christmas evening no# 1 - The Gifts

Heard it right. I have lots of things to say this time because there were many WEIRD things that suddenly occurred, last night and today, which was a product of my out-of-this-world insanity.

Let me start about the good one.

Last night, we agreed to meet for our exchanging gift. This includes me and her, alone. It was   my first time actually. Never did I give any gift to anybody on Christmas. I don't feel like giving any to anyone, even to my mother, nor my sister. But suddenly, this two-of-us exchanging gift just popped-out in my mind a week ago.

Okay. Now, I made this one.

I don't know if this is nice. I think so. Perhaps, it is.
The thing is, I am not into ART. I don't have that so it took me a long time to do the background.  A series of Photoshop Trial and Error. I was desperate, but it was fun at the same time. :)

About the content. I guess it's KORNY. It's a big joke. (Let's talk about that later)
It's not as nice like the ones I made before, but at least I really tried to write.

Now, she gave me this.


A 500g Bottle of Jonhson's Baby Powder and an Orange Ball Pen.
I planned to never show a reaction but when I opened it. I smiled so hard that I almost laugh. It was funny, and weird too. Who on earth could ever think of that?

I liked it, very much. It made me happy. Not the powder, but the Pen. It's so cool.
I'll use it for editing the dummies. I will keep it. I'll keep the bottle too. Because it has ART. I don't know with her. If she thinks that's art, well, I guess I just need to agree.

It's nice. I have no choice but to agree. It has a Christmas tree, fireworks, purple web? gifts

question marks? yellow stars. 

Blue worms, red gumamela?
Snow man. Green Worm
This bottle includes the weirdest of creatures so I need to keep it. 

The pen is soooo COOL. It really worked. I tried to throw it, then wrote something yet it is still working.

I will use this for editing. I'll put this in my bag. 

Sunday, December 19, 2010

Hate this feeling....

I hate this feeling. NO. I like it, very much. It's just that I hate the way it feels.

I hate the feeling of missing someone because I'm tired of missing. It distracts my mind everyday. NO. It distracts the whole point of my existence every time I wake up in the morning.

Can I just see you everyday? NO. I mean, Can you stay with me for a while? NO. I mean, can you stay with me forever?, if possible. Promise. I'll make it worthwhile.

I promise I'll be better. Better than I was before. Better than anybody else, if there is such a thing as "The Best", then I'll try.

I mean. Why do I miss you? NO. I mean, I'm dying to see you. Please.
I want to tell you that I miss you. Can I? NO. I don't want you to know.
Wait. I'm getting weird. Okay, now I am really weird.

The fact is that my heart is kicking off to its fifth gear. NO, if there is nth gear then, it is happening right now.

If you only know how beautiful you are to me. Yes you are. :)

I didn't notice that as time goes by, you are the only thing that runs inside my head.
The picture of you, smiling. So beautiful. 

You are just simply, and undeniably alluring.

Lovely as a blossoming rose in the morning breeze.

Thursday, December 2, 2010


Everybody likes superman, wonder woman and all of those superhero geeks from Marvel and Capcom Incorporated, who wouldn’t?

I bet almost everybody wants to be like one of them- saving the world from danger with their super human powers, and bringing peace to the society – however, these things do not make me happy. In fact, I can’t get along with everyone thinking that they have their own out-of-this-country superheroes.

My point is, I don’t like foreign super heroes,I prefer “Darna” than superman, batman, and Flash who’s wearing underwear outside their colorful suits.

But I have to be honest; I got this love-your-own-local-superhero just now. When I was a kid, I liked superman because he is invulnerable and of course, heis outrageously invincible. I was a fan of Flash because he runs through the speed of light. I loved Batman because of his black cool suit combined with up-to-date gadgets and weapons.

But again, just recently, I just found out that they are not as smart as they look like.
Yes. This time I’ll talk about the words ‘smart and power’. Smart people won’t wear undies outside their suits. Beings with super human strength would never be afraid of stones such as kryptonite, and should never depend on high-tech gadgets during a fight.
Mind you, Darna isn’t afraid of stones and she is smart enough that she knows the difference between undies and shorts. Apart from that, she is strong enough to beat bad guys without the use of any high-tech weapons.

I’m talking about Darna here, a young and beautiful young woman who was given a chance to obtain superpowers when she swallows a magical stone from time to time, just in case the world needs help. Did I say ‘world’? Well, just the Philippines actually.
Narda is Darna’s natural state whenever she does not use her superpowers. She sells goods in the market together with her grandmother and younger brother Ding. Her superpowers doesn’t have any weaknesseslike any other super heroes out there, however, she gets weak when the lives of her love ones are in danger. She will do everything for them, even if it means death for her.

“Each person has his own story, but only a few is worthy of being told”,I heard this cliché from the movie that I watched before I wrote this article. The movie was Jack and the Beanstalk. Jack, who was a young stubborn dumb-minded fella, obtained three magic beans which were capable of growing a ladder-like tree that could reach the heavens.

The aforementioned line is simple but it’s nice simply because it reminds me of how the world would react if I would get my life story published, who would probably want to read it?

On the other hand, if the story of Darna will be foretold, for sure many people, especially the Filipinos, would read it since she is an icon. People would be eager to know about her because she is something, an epitome of beauty and a foundation of extraordinary powers – Darna.

There was a time in the tale of Darna that she lost her powers because her enemies took it away from her in exchange for the safety of her family who were drawn captives. But still, she continued to do her task as a savior for mankind and rescued people with her bare hands. She was brave, and courageous despite being powerless. She was capable of doing great things amidst nothingness.

In the bottom line, I have realized that Darna gave me a lesson to share, a lesson that she wanted me to tell to everybody;that despite being weak, despite being mere humans that are made of flesh and powerless, we can still do something to save mankind. All of us can become heroes in our own rights.