Wednesday, October 21, 2009

This is the old me...

I am not the kind of person who is so fond of having friends. I can live my life alone without anyone with me in my entire life. I can move along the day without talking or perhaps even opening my mouth.

I am really such a mood-swinger and I like quiet places. I can’t stand a day being with somebody since I really hate it. I prefer to be alone.

The cigarettes I threw on the road after sipping all its nicotine is an evidence that I am making my life shorter. The bottle of alcohol in my side makes me wonder how life can be so beautiful when all I know is that is sucks!

How I wish they would just know that I only want to live because of my family. Since I am responsible for their sake, I need to be alive and I have to be firm.

I do not really care for others feelings but somehow I am situated in this place where my second family is blooming.

This family, composed of many different personalities, is my new source of laughter. Where I can make jokes, or else I can be the object of laughter by acting like a gay, and laugh out hard when there is something funny. It is so fun to be here.

But somehow there are people who are nice but often insensitive. Maybe the busy atmosphere of the office makes them so insensitive that sometimes they don’t listen or perhaps they don’t let you explain when you have done something wrong (a mistake that is not really a big deal).

I am always attentive when it comes to agreement or something alike and if I am not able to do it, maybe there is really a valid reason or valid reasons.

I do not want to feel like this. I am sad because someone is mad at me without considering what had happen.

I treat this new family of mine very well with all my sincerity because we always stick together in the office for the whole semester.

Though I am really heartless, bully and hot tempered, I am kind to them since they are nice to me as well and I will continue staying like this even if there are people who are insensitive.

I am really trying my best to befriend them and
I just want to say sorry for not being able to jog with you.


Monday, October 19, 2009


I really do not know if I can take this anymore.
I am sure I won’t reach the cut-off grade in one of my major subjects. I am a mathematician yet I don’t remember my math lessons in the past. They just suddenly swept out from my mind. It’s like a short term memory that can be forgotten directly.
Am I really a mathematician or a person whose world is just all about writing?
I write a lot. Since I was too young writing anything has been my pastime and that I so love it.

But when I went to college it seems like I want to explore the other opposite end of being a writer and that is to become what you so called “matimatiks-wanna-be” student. It was not hard since I am really good in numbers when I was still in high school so I bet the start of my new career will be fine. Of course it was fine.

Until I reached my second year as a college student, I took all things for granted. I don’t listen to my math teachers anymore because I thought it would just be easy. So, whenever I attend my classes I would just sit back there and press the keypads of my phone then start texting everyone.

Until I realized I am just taking CALCULUS for granted.. ITS CALCULUS.. capital CALCULUS… It’s been the word I’ve been hearing since I was in first grade. I’ve been hearing rumors about it that it was hard and that it was really mind bugging when I was a child and now I AM JUST THINKING THAT IT IS EASY???. Where the world have you been RYAN when your classmates were scratching there heads because they cannot answer the problems correctly..OOOHHH

Until I got a series of low scores, LOW SCORES!!!!
What will I going to do for Christ sake!

I am so confused and I do not want to disappoint my mother. I am doing my best but it’s just that I don’t like the subject anymore because I want to have a course related to writing and literature. And that is the opposite of mathematics.

Mother I am so sorry!

I can’t have a degree right on time. This was never in my plans but I guess I need to shift to another course. It means that I’ll extend the 4-year contract that we had.
This is hard for me but what can I do? I can’t take it anymore.

Sunday, October 18, 2009

Colegiate Level Tournament

At last, for almost 5 years of waiting, i am now a certified NORSU Tigers Badminton Varsity Player. Here I am waiting for the exact date to come for our team to compete in the biggest inter-collegiate tournament in the country. Comprising all major sports event, PHILIPPINE UNIVERSITY GAMES is the only gathering of all colleges and universities in the country today.

I will be playing in badminton doubles category where the other four members of our team will play in two singles match and the other two will exchange places to be my partner.

I am not a good player. I can rate myself as an average-above the beginner level badminton player compared to my teammate ,who will play in the single's event, is the negros oriental number 1.

But, I will do my best though I know we will going to lose at the first round.

We will be going to Iloilo this coming october 23,2009 at 3 A.M.
This will be alot of fun since we will travel from dumaguete to mabinay then to kabankalan, next to canlaon, lastly to Bacolod. It will not end there since our bus will barge into a sea-bus-carrier from bacolod to Iloilo and then travel again up to this 26 hectare piece of land known as the CENTRAL PHILIPPINE UNIVESITY.



I just left the woman I have loved

I have loved you and you loved me back. . …..

I was so happy each time I am with you…..

Every time you look at me as I look at your eyes is like one of those enchanting fairytale scenes in the movies…..

Though you are far from me, I always think of you. There was no time that you we’re out of my thoughts. ….

I always wanted to hear your voice and see you as often as I can….

But time, resources and distance is too unfair……….

All those happy moments we shared together have changed…

We were so happy way back then but….now it is gone…

I do not want to remember it once more because it’s tearing my heart each time I realize that it was my fault………..

I broke your heart…. And I was the reason of your tears…

I am very sorry… I did not mean to break your heart… But I guess I meant it…

I have loved you….

Really… Believe me…

I left you because I am tired of missing you… I am tired of everything…
I am tired of thinking all about you... I don’t want to be sad every time I think that you are not with me…

Maybe…just maybe… I’ll meet someone closer to me… someone who can take care of me always… someone whom I can see as often as I can… Someone who can hug and touch me every time I’m sad… Someone who can sit beside me at the end of the day...

These are the things you cannot give me… And I can’t give you these things as well….

Someday at the right time we will meet again gAh…

Friday, October 9, 2009

I loved you

But let us face reality, There are times that love can't fill the missing part of a person who's only wish is to always hold the woman he loves. So I guess, I need to let you go by now. It's the only way that we will be free from any commitments we had. It's the only way that I will stop missing you.

You'll be free and you'll be happy with someone else. I want to see you happy with someone else. There are things that I can't give that hopefully others can do.
I am still thinking of you. Night and day.

But I will still be keeping in touch with you because i don't want you to be alone. I don't want you to cry but I did. I miss you. I'm sorry.

But I just want to let you know the three words I felt deep inside of my very soul. I loved you.